Celebrating Fathers & Father-figures of Promise Heights

Studies have shown that active and engaged fathers help build self-esteem, academic capabilities, and emotional confidence in their children....

….AND these engaged men CAN contribute and reinforce good behaviors while offering far different perspectives than mothers. SINCE We’ll soon celebrate Father’s Day 2020 and a group of men CAN’T lead children in a public gathering due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we’re sharing insights into several men that we admire in our community.

Marcus Warrick-McPherson

He is A PromiseCorps member based at Furman L. Templeton Preparatory Academy, and though he isn’t a father, it certainly sounds as if he is a father-figure to many kids at the school. We spoke with Marcus recently, and he reflected on the essential role that fathers (and father-figures) play for his students.

Promise Heights works with such a wide variety of kids in a wide variety of situations: I’ve seen kids where the mother isn’t around for x-, y-, z-reason, and the father had to just step up and be the mother and the father to them, which is not something anyone—male or a female—could do easily.

It’s hard to be “two people” at once and—you know?—to help shape your kids the best way you can, while still understanding that they’re growing. There’s parents that go up and beyond, taking those steps with their children—there’s just an abundance of families with parents that look after them, and if not families, fathers that look after them, and in some cases, grandfathers.

Because our neighborhoods weren’t built overnight, they were built generationally. And our problems are generational, but that also includes that our people are generational too. And having those pillars who are the people in our own community who have lived there their whole lives. They’ve seen people come and go, and they can speak to their schools and their quality—that they've grown or decreased, or whatever their opinions may be, there’s definitely a role for them to be able play to step in at the very least and be a guiding hand.

[Regarding COVID school closures] I can think of at least three different families right now that I know probably are just fine, because I know that at the very least, the father figures in their lives are such a strong pillar of support for them. I know that I have families where there’s not necessarily a grandfather taking up a father’s role, but grandfathers being there and being present in their lives—I’m sure are a blessing to families.

it’s hard to remember that parents are people, and people don’t necessarily know what to do sometimes. So, when people don’t know what to do, they look to others, and who better to look to than your own parents?

So then, you have a grandchild looking to their grandparent for wisdom, and knowledge, and things like that. But then you also have the parents looking to them as well, and it just becomes a nice ecosystem or support system for them to put into place so they can always have someone to fall back on or talk to them if they’ve gone through it before. Especially now when our human connection or what little we can get, sometimes [what we’re experiencing,] they’re not the best interactions and we crave more.

[Meanwhile] I definitely see the experiences that I went through as a child, and I do my best to be empathetic. You know, every problem to a child is “the biggest problem in the world,” because that’s the extent of their world. And it’s hard to tell anybody, let alone a child sometimes, that this isn’t necessarily that big of a deal. Or to explain to them that what you perceive is a problem isn’t necessarily problematic, or it’s not inherently something bad. I do my best to pass on the hard lessons I learned, the easiest way that I can.

Mr. Meldon Dickens, Resource Dad/Community Outreach Specialist with B’more for Healthy Babies

Pastor Meldon Dickens

HE WEARS MANY HATS: HE’S A VALUED RESOURCE DAD/ COMMUNITY OUTREACH SPECIALIST WITH B'MORE FOR HEALTHY BABIES, A PASTOR, AND A PROUD FATHER OF FOUR GROWN CHILDREN. WE SPOKE ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A FATHER AND TO MENTOR YOUNG FATHERS. DICKENS HAS WORKED ON MAPS TO SUCCESS, A PROJECT TARGETING AND SUPPORTING YOUNG FATHERS AGED 14 TO 24 AS THEY FACE PARENTING ISSUES, AS WELL AS THE PARENTING CAFÉ, AND SUPPORTING SCHOOLS WITH A MYRIAD OF SERVICES—RANGING FROM LIGHT CONFLICT RESOLUTION WITH A CHILD’S PARENT OR OTHER KINDS OF CASE MANAGEMENT. CLEARLY, HE ENGAGES EACH OF THESE ROLES IN HIS WORK, AND WARMLY SHARED IMPORTANT INSIGHTS.

Back in February we did a thing with young fathers, where we was looking for a campaign—we led a hackathon with our partners with Hopkins Center for Communication Program, and it was really good. We had four young men, from 16 to 19 years of age, four young fathers. We worked with them to find out: how do we speak to them? How do we capture a young person, to address their needs, and how we can impact their lives beyond a programmatic approach?

I’m speaking for myself, I don’t think, “what can I learn from my child today?” I think it happens organically. Our roles tend to be different from a stereotypical perspective, and a lot of that is still very much the norm in most households is that a father is more authoritarian-type role, even in some of these more non-traditional family structures.

When you’re spending time and working with young people who are learning to be young fathers, if you’re working with them and watching their characteristics and their demeanor, you kind of try to adjust yourself accordingly, knowing every child and person is different.

I had four—two boys and two girls. I even tried to get away from the stereotypes, from the oldest to the youngest, to the middle. You know, “the middle child syndrome….” I tried to get away from that.

As mentoring and being like a father-figure to other young men. I think that sometimes you take your cue, not necessarily that they’re in control, but you’re trying to learn from them and how to best communicate with them. It’s always important that you develop a relationship.

You know, just because we’re related doesn’t mean we have a relationship. Just because we are from a particular family, we assume that we have a relationship. Though just because we gather, we may see each other sometimes, it may not really mean that we have a relationship beyond that. Do we talk between the family reunions and the Christmases and the Easters and those big events? Do we connect during those other times?

And so, I think there's a difference between being related and having a relationship. And I think that was something important that I had to learn as a young father.

I learned to have conversations with my children, “Hey, how was your day, how are you?” And beyond just, “How are you? How was practice?” and that kind of thing, you know, I learned to ask, “How did that make you feel? Did you like that? What are you thinking about?”

So, I think that’s how I give my cues and teach other fathers that too. Sometimes I think there’s a presence that sometimes can’t be overstated. The importance of being present. Not always giving advice.

I happen to be a pastor, and often people come to me wanting an answer, wanting an answer about the Bible. Wanting an answer about life. And I have to sometimes get out of the mold of, “I don’t have the answer.” Your opinion and your feelings are valid. I just listen. That’s an important thing.

As men, we want to fix stuff. We want to make it right. If someone’s bothering someone in our house, we want to protect them. We want to fix it. If there’s a bill that needs to be paid, we want to pay it. We want to do that. But sometimes you can’t do that, or sometimes, that’s not necessarily what’s needed.

Sometimes people just want me to be present. So I think that’s something I’ve been trying to stress to fathers—particularly young fathers, since often their dynamic is, “I live in a different house from my child,” and obviously there are issues of support—what they can provide and not provide, so that becomes larger than life, though sometimes you devalue the importance of just being present.

Christian Edge

Christian joined the Promise Heights team this spring as our Director of Strategic Partnerships, having just moved from Philadelphia to Baltimore. We recently talked about his relationship with students, both tied to his career and via his work as a volunteer with kids ranging from Kindergarten to high school seniors. Christian is a proud uncle, though not a father himself, yet from what we discussed, he undoubtedly fulfills many father-like roles in his work.

Children are the reason why I do what I do, they give me the energy to do what I do. And they really center the mission, the vision, for whatever position that I’m holding.

With everything that’s going on in the news, I think it’s really important to talk about really helping children—especially black children—to understand their place in the world, and in the country, and how to navigate their spaces safely. You get to help prepare them to realize their dreams, knowing the kind of dangers they encounter. I just need to say that it’s not about mentorship, as Black children need more than patriarchal notions of mentorship. I don’t approach my work with children from a “savior” standpoint. I hope that they see themselves in me, but I don’t know that they do, but I just know that all I can do is to love them and be there for them.

My generation was taught that if you go to school and if you look a certain way—if you act a certain way—you can have the American dream. So now we know that’s not true, we know that’s not true at all. And so, you know, my peer group is struggling with this: where we fit in; how do we stay true to ourselves, and combat antiblackness and still fit in America in our right minds. Without losing our sanity.

[One thing] I’ve struggled with—do I want children actually to do what I did? I’m not sure if I want them to do what I did. And so, I hope what they see when they see me is that you can be a critical thinker. And you can make your own opinions. And you can be strong. And you can live life the way you want. Not necessarily the way that I did. I’m not sure if that’s correct. That you can live the way that you want. And you can pursue what makes you happy.

Nick Peters

Nick is Promise Heights’ Lead Web Developer and A single dad, co-parenting with his ex-wife. Nick loves being a father, and during recent school closures, has frequently taken his son to go fishing. During our discussion, he said that he’s been experiencing much the same “new normal” that so many of us recognize these days.

It’s a lot of work and it’s a lot of fun, and it doesn’t stop. You know, my son doesn’t have a degree in internet technology [and] we don’t have experience as homeschoolers. Fortunately, I’ve learned a lot [about] parenting and assessment tools, and interesting information from my job—behavior modification and that sort of thing.

One word: Patience. My dad is very patient, though has a short fuse. Coping strategies and things—I’ve learned to manage behavior and of course correct problems that are periodic and keep coming back. I am to stay the course, and be consistent, and discuss, you know, motivate for better behavior.

Those things are very helpful, and I do things that my dad didn’t do. I know the difference, and am very mindful about that with my son. And you know, I see much better results and much better emotional capacity through talking through, discussing pros and cons, and allowing for choices to be made by him that will affect what he will be able—or not be able—to do. And those are great!

My dad did show me the value of hard work, and that work is its own reward, which is hard to believe sometimes, but then you get to some sort of finish line, and it’s like, “wow, that was totally worth it and it was great, and it feels good to have done this work, and see something through.”

This [COVID lockdown] experience changes the barometer on what “hard” is for a group of people. It will change this generation [of kids,] for sure.

Being a dad changes [you] fundamentally in ways that you can’t even begin to describe or remember when it wasn’t that way. Mainly that there’s—I guess—the reflection of yourself in the next generation, and somebody that’s kin to you and learning from you.

You can live your life in a way that’s important or valid or good. And when you see some of those things reflected or echoed back to you by your kid, it highlights the negatives and reinforces the positives. And it’s like wow—there’s a set of eyes and a brain that is watching everything I do, and he’s learning everything he learns about how to be a man, or how to be eventually a dad, or a person in society, or how to shop in a grocery store with a mask on, or anything, right now from me. And it matters how I do everything. And that is a responsibility, sure.

It’s amazingly positive and rewarding to be a role model, and to shape my kid in the way that I think is best for him and for being someone who will hopefully be successful and healthy. And it’s…it’s profound!

Mario Dofat

Mario has been a PromiseCorps member based at the Historic Samuel Coleridge-Taylor Elementary School since August of 2019. As a graduate of Alabama A&M University and receiving his BA in Urban Planning and a minor in Sociology, Mario hadn’t imagined working in a school, YET HE NOW FEELS SO STRONGLY ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE THAT HE’S returning FOR A SECOND YEAR WITH PROMISEcorpS AND will apply to the MASTER’S program IN SOCIAL WORK at umb.

If you know Mario, you’ll know how warm, positive, and outgoing he is, and how perfectly suited he is to work with Promise Heights, being much like a father-like mentor for young kids.

I have a diverse background, I saw a lot of different things, and that makes me more understanding of the children that I love…when I was that age, I wish I had someone like me to look up to in the school, especially in elementary school.When I was in elementary school, my classmates, they looked like me, but my teachers and the staff…everyone there…they didn’t really reflect my background or my culture. So I did adjust to it, and I adapt to many cultures because of that, but I feel like if I had someone like me—a positive male role model at that age—I think it would have affected my life more positively.

I look forward to the hardships in life because it makes me a stronger person. My head is always up high…and whenever I get something, I think, “what should I do when I don’t have this problem anymore?” I always want to make sure that our kids in the school system, that they have pride—when they go to that school, they think, “this is my school!”

I made my kids learn the history of our school so they’ll feel proud, and then had them go tell the principal about the history of the school. I just try to make them learn whenever I can, and then just give them prizes for it—you know just little fidget spinners, and slime, and play-dough, just little things like that.